


Chapter Two - The Loss

by bellamyblakru



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Era, Hurt!Merlin, M/M, Merlin Fic Round Robin, Oblivious Merlin (Merlin), Pre-Slash, Round table knights are here but arthur is still prince and dragon is still under castle!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:47:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29470422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellamyblakru/pseuds/bellamyblakru
Summary: The consequence of saving Arthur's life might be more than Merlin can bear.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 50
Collections: Merlin Fic Server Round Robin





	Chapter Two - The Loss

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Chapter One - The Kiss](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29467881) by [mother_of_lions](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mother_of_lions/pseuds/mother_of_lions). 



> Chapter two of the Merlin Fic Round Robin!

“Merlin, _breathe_ my boy. Try again,” Gaius sat down next to him, staring unflinchingly at the damning cup of water.

He lifted his arm once more trying to ignore the way it trembled, and as the spell fell off his lips, he couldn’t feel the normal surge of power. He gasped, lowering his arm, staring at his hand like it didn’t belong to him. 

“ _What happened?_ ” Merlin whispered, noticing the emptiness that filled him. His magic wasn’t simply gone, it felt like it was ripped from him—violently. 

“Maybe you are just tired, Merlin. Go,” he pointed to his room, “try to get some sleep. I’ll send a message to Arthur telling him you will be back to work tomorrow and that you cannot be bothered until then, okay?”

Merlin vaguely nodded, not noticing Gaius’s worried look as he walked out the door. Merlin tried to push himself to the edge of Gaius’s bed, and the minute his feet touched the ground, his legs refused to hold him. Crumpled on the floor, Merlin groaned at the coldness developing him. 

He frowned at his shaking limbs. They felt leaden, unresponsive, and worse of all, _ached_ with a horrible pain he hasn’t felt before. 

Merlin grabbed onto the chair in front of him and heaved himself up, forcing his legs to straighten out underneath him. 

Feeling like a newborn fawn, Merlin managed to stumble into his room before Gaius came back. When he finally slumped onto his bed, Merlin stared unblinkingly at the ceiling. He moved his thoughts inwards, towards the place he could normally feel his magic simmer joyously beneath his skin. There was nothing there—just a coldness that made Merlin quiver when he touched it. 

_It’s gone. Completely._

The thought reverberated in his mind, making him nauseous. None of his thoughts were coherent—pure jumbles of words that caused Merlin’s fear to triple the longer he thought about it. 

_No magic, no Arthur, no destiny, no purpose._

A slight pounding headache formed at his temples then—the pain lacing through his whole body. He knew he couldn’t take much more of this, but as he closed his eyes to force himself to sleep, his body jerked again at the emptiness he felt.

His magic normally soothed his aches, sparkling reassuringly within him, never leaving his side from the second he opened his eye as a baby. It was the only thing Merlin knew, for certain, he could rely on in his life, and now? Now, what did Merlin have besides a prince who couldn’t possibly love him back, and a destiny he couldn’t fulfill? 

For years Merlin had wished that he didn’t have magic, and he cursed it every time a kid bullied him for being different, when mothers would hide their children behind their legs when he walked past, when he knew his own mother cried for him during the late hours of the night. 

Normal. He always did desire to be normal. 

_Is this what normal is supposed to feel like? Like I’m missing the most vital part of my existence, like a never ending chill that demands to be looked at?_

Merlin shivered underneath his thin sheet, refusing to spend any longer focusing on the gaping hole within him. He forced his eyes shut, grabbing his sheet more tightly, and fell into an uneasy sleep. 

When sunlight poured into Merlin’s window, Merlin unwillingly blinked his eyes open. He barely slept, getting a few naps here and there that would have to sustain him throughout the day. 

Gaius lightly knocked on the door and walked in, smiling gently at Merlin. 

“How are you feeling today?”

Merlin tried to get up, unfruitfully at first, but on the second try, he managed to lean against the wall.

“Tired, cold, but better,” he lied. 

Gaius ruffled his hair, “I’m proud of you, you know?”

Merlin tried to smile his normal goofy grin, but he knew it came up short when Gaius critically looked him over once more.

“Are you sure you’re alright? I can request another day off if you—“

“No!” and at Gaius’s eyebrow, Merlin lowered his panicked voice, “No, it’s okay. I need to work, I want to.”

Gaius narrowed his eyes but nodded, making his way out the door to deliver some potions. Merlin groaned, slumping against the wall. 

He _will_ get through this day in one piece.

He gingerly moved to put on new clothes for today, and gasped when a sudden pain went through his body—similar to how, he imagined, getting hit with a lightning bolt would feel like. He doubled over, bracing his hands on his knees, hissing at his body. 

He straightened up, ignoring the persistent aches, and made his way out the door. He would get through today and go to the dragon tonight, but the prospect of talking to the overgrown lizard did not improve his mood. 

By the time he got to Arthur’s chambers with his breakfast, sweat had broken out over his entire body. He felt it pool at the back of his neck as he pushed the heavy doors open, swiftly walking to place the food at Arthur’s desk.

After he opened the curtains draped across the window, he spun to go wake the prince, but he paused. 

Arthur looked to be softly glowing in the morning light, his hair endearingly disheveled, his limbs sprawled out. Merlin forced himself to look at his face, to the lips he kissed only yesterday. He could recall every sensation he felt, and the overwhelming need to kiss him again almost won over his conscience.

He buried the memory for a reason, he reminded himself—Arthur couldn’t love him, it wasn’t possible. Merlin took a step forward, unconsciously, remembering the almost besotted look the prince had given him after they kissed, but Merlin shook his head. That was the effect of the spell wearing off, that’s it—nothing more, nothing less.

Merlin steeled himself, “Arthur! Wakey wakey!” He tossed the comforter to the floor with an over-enthusiastic grin, watching as Arthur flailed about in a very un-princely way. 

Arthur groaned into his pillow, but then as the voice registered, he quickly sat up.

“Merlin! How are you feeling?”

Merlin softened at the genuine tone, and he answered as he turned around to tidy up the room, making sure to show no pain, “I am quite better today, sire, thank you.”

Merlin snuck a look at his prince to see a small flush forming at the appreciation, and Merlin couldn’t help but smile at that.

“Yeah, yeah,” Arthur waved him off, ungracefully walking to his desk, “I have a proposition for us, if you’re up for it.”

“Hmm?” Merlin started making the bed, hiding his flinch at the throbbing pain in his abdomen.

“I say we get out of the castle for a bit. We can take some of the roundtable knights, go out on a hunt for a few days.”

Merlin paused his work, his mind going a mile a minute. If he didn’t have his magic, then going on a hunt would be a terrible idea. He wouldn’t be able to protect Arthur, or the others, if they ran into danger—and they always ran into danger. On the other hand, his magic was always more in-tuned to the earth, to the natural magic running through the trees, the air, and the ground, so maybe this would be his solution and the large lizard would never have to know. Plus, the knights did know how to protect themselves...

His want for nature outweighed his racing thoughts, “When?”

Arthur grinned, crossing his ankles on top of his desk, “Now.” 

**Author's Note:**

> I will add the link to the next chapter when it is posted!
> 
> (im on tumblr as @bellamyblakru if you wanted to stop by, say hello, or drop a prompt 🥺i did this is in a sitting so i hope its okay!!)


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